Things We Love

At first I was too sick to think about reading.  My day consisted of bed, doctors appointments, brief visits from family and googling symptoms.  Later, when I first tried to read, I looked at a page of the newspaper and saw the words.  Something strange was happening though, they were staying on the page and they weren't going into my head.

Had I forgotten how to read?

I stared at the tiny print and painstakingly read each word so slowly that by the end of the paragraph I had read the words but created no meaning.  Now I had the most unfamiliar feeling in my head - which I would later learn was brain fog, and a telling symptom of copper toxicity (a contributory factor to my Chronic Fatigue).  It was as though my brain was filled with heavy grey candy floss (fairy floss), interfering with every brain function and making every thought so exhausting.  This feeling was so unfamiliar and horrible that I simply stopped reading anything that was not essential.  Brain fog isn't only exacerbated by reading; I find its really anything involving concentration.  To this day seemingly simple cognitive activities such as having a conversation or reading a recipe require 100% of my attention and I really struggle if there is a distraction such as the radio or another conversation in the room.

Brain Fog is a symptom that can easily be misread and I worry a lot about it changing people's image of me.  When I can't think of something to say; when I can't maintain a conversation while there are others going on in the room; when I take days to return a phone call because (much as I love it) the phone zaps my mental energy like nothing else; when I am irritable because it hurts so much to think; when the tears of frustration come instead of the words… what do people think? Will they think I'm unfriendly? over-sensitive? boring? stupid?

I've explored many strategies to combat brain fog; it is definitely in my top 3 'Symptoms I wish I didn't have.'  I'll do another post on strategies and their varying levels of effectiveness for me… for now, I want to fast forward to the good bit!

On a good day I can concentrate for about 10-15 minutes! I can't emphasise enough how much this has changed my days and the options I now have available to me (Ergo this blog!) Of course I need to rest after concentrating, but at least now I can do it! And sometimes flicking through a magazine or reading a few pages of something light can even feel like… you guessed it… an MEminibreak.

So you can imagine my delight last month when, on my birthday, I unwrapped a beautiful coffee table book called Things We Love by Kate Spade New York.  Predominantly photos with some captions, the 'things they love' are organised into quirky thematic chapters ranging from bows to the cha-cha to summer to New York City.  This book celebrates life and loving and it is easy to enjoy the dreamy pages which are so thoughtfully presented.  I love that I can flick through the pictures on a foggy day, and read the words the next.  It is permanently on my coffee table now bringing me joy, reminding me of the things I love and adventures to come, and providing the perfect MEminibreak.

Perhaps bows and cha-chas aren't your thing.  
Have you discovered a great book about one of your interests? Share your finds below.  

Have you experienced brain fog? How does it affect your days?